How to catch a Haggis

A comprehensive guide:

Located in the misty rugged hills of Scotland, there’s a creature that’s eluded many over the years – the Haggis. In this guide, we’re going to explore the tactics of catching a haggis. 

What is a haggis?  

Great question. Before setting out on your hunt, it’s essential to understand what a Haggis is. This creature, yes we said it creature, has a round body with two legs shorter than the other, allowing it to navigate steep hills. Despite its seemingly cute appearance, Haggises are cunning, using their senses and thick, colour-changing fur to camouflage into its surroundings. Haggis hunting is a serious two-person sport and is not only about the thrill of the chase, but also the opportunity to sample Scotland’s finest meal – haggis, neeps, and tatties. 

Haggis hunting gear 

To increase your chances of catching a Haggis, you'll need the right gear. Leave your jandals at home, you’ll require a sturdy pair of hiking boots and a walking stick – those hills are tough. Additionally, pack a net and some bait (they’re fond of oats).  

Where to find a haggis? 

The Highlands are vast and varied, so choosing the right location is crucial. We advise checking out the nearest village pub to consult with the locals to pin down the latest Haggis sightings.  

The chase begins... 

Catching a Haggis is not for the faint hearted, and teamwork makes the dream work here. One person at the top will be the scare master and the other at the bottom, the net caster. It's like playing rugby, but with furballs instead.  

1. Seek out your Haggis, move quietly and cautiously whilst hunting, taking care not to startle the creatures prematurely.  

2. Scare master: When you spot a Haggis, this is your moment to shine. Move slowly, creeping towards the creature. Once in position, let out a carefully timed shout to startle the Haggis, alternatively poke it with your walking stick. 

3. The Haggis, with its inconsistent leg sizes, will lose balance and start to roll down the hill. 

4. Net caster: As the Haggis begins its descent, it's time to act swiftly. Position yourself strategically, this creature will roll fast. Your job is to cast the net with precision. 

5. Be prepared for the Haggis's swift and agile response. The creature once it nears the bottom will begins to regain balance. Your skill in casting the net will be the determining factor in securing your prize. 

Congratulations - you’ve caught yourself a Haggis! Now it’s time to get the tatties boiling and neeps mashing. Maybe a wee dram too!  

Don’t fancy the hunt yourself?

We heard a rumour of the elusive Haggis roaming the Kaimais so we sent our Chef on the hunt, and he’s caught them for us. Join us for our Burns Supper on 25th, 26th and 27th January 2024. 

Disclaimer: The Haggis is not a real creature. Any suggestions or claims that haggis is an actual living creature are entirely fictional and intended for amusement.